Changing my hair and life little by little

I've been always been one to be afraid be of change while being easy going to a point. I started changing my hair length to dying it to shaving a side of my head. Change is scary but once it starts, its so weird how it continues with the momentum that it has.

Fae Panda :D

ARGH! It has been insane with work and Ren faire that I have barely had time for this blog! (sorry!)

When you work on a character, you learn to love and become the character you have made. "Marina", a Done d'aigua from Spain came to visit Petite Lyon (The setting of the STL Ren Faire is France in the 1400s) after hearing about a party that was hosted by Lord Pan. Though the satyr is present, the language mix up has Marina thinking there is a loaf of bread (Pan is Bread in Spanish) that is so amazing that it was given the title of Lord.

After many laughs, heartfelt moments and "Octopus dances" (that was fun to make up and have people do), Marina seemed to evolve. The character was able to connect to kids with shinnies, "Pearls" in this case. When Marina came to France, she began to cry and cry. The Done d'aigua's tears become pearls. After the flow of tears had stopped, Marina noticed that all of the pearls had little names. Every child is asked what is their name and given their special shiny with the fact that it must have been a happy cry because Marina was so happy to have met them. The smiles and warmth in children and adults when told that they were special was almost as magic as the characters that inhabit Le Guilde du Fae.

It is amazing to see all the different fae, Hasle and Lady Tinkles enjoying the music at the Front Gate. The Brownie cleaning after the muddy Bridge Troll, Glomp while the Autumn Lady, Annonas and the Winter Lord, Govnu stroll down the streets of Petite Lyon. The Summer Lord, Somhairle catching sunshine to make a shiny while Ember Fireheart watched the flames. La Dame D'Lyon and Asti asking for tribute from travelers as "RUSSE HAS ENTERED THE FAE WOOD!" Marina and Tavi (The Fresh water fae) arguing over whose dance was better while Twiggy and Lady Searfine blowing bubbles. Gwennith running away then catching the fae hunters. The Two Fae Kings of Oak and Holly play chess with mortals and the Fearless leader, Karidwen keeping everyone as in line as possible.

There were more fae whose stories I could tell but the morning grows closer and my eyes grow heavy. To those who would like to enjoy a part of what I have told, there is one weekend left. Come and visit Petite Lyon. If not, so be it. I have no problem enjoying this magic for you. The friends I have made these past few weekends have been wonderful and have enriched my life even though our time together has been short. I hope that the time does not stop there and that when the gates open next year, we can welcome more children and show them the wonderment that the fae have shown me.

In the words of a new friend,

"We walk the lanes where giants once roamed. Some wander them quietly, spend some time, and leave without a sound. I want my character to echo for years. Will you walk beside me?"- The Oak King, Bill Blanke

(From Facebook)

The Octopus Dance

Its been a little crazy. Just finished my first weekend of the STL Ren Faire. I am part of the Fae guild (think fairies, trolls, elves, and the sort) and I play a Done d'aigua named Marina. She is visiting from Spain and claims to be from the sea. 

A little fun tidbit is what is called the Octopus dance. It is a random little dance I did for a child and it just became a thing. Children, teens and adults did it for me from time to time and it was fun. Laughter and silliness abound. Many people leaving mentioned to other fae that they loved the dance and that they enjoyed being silly.

Something that really warmed my heart though was a little girl that did the dance with me. I gave her some glitter, telling her that I promised smooth sailing and she pulls out of her pouch a little plastic gem. It was pink and shaped like a diamond. She tells me "Thank you for the promise. This is for you." I almost cried.

It is nice to see that something as silly and as simple as a dance made up on the fly can make peoples' day as well as make your own.

(Found on DeviantArt by ~podgypanda)

Passive Aggressive Bullshit

Oh my dear, I haven't written in a while and I apologize. Work is getting more strenuous but in a good way, the Renaissance Faire that I am volunteering in is coming up in two weeks and there are little things that need to be sorted out, and just lack of sleep. I haven't even been playing SWTOR that much. Its been that kind of busy. But enough with excuse.

My partner is extremely passive aggressive and this is something strange for me. As someone who has kept company with mostly men and fairly forward people, I don't understand passive aggressive speak. It's like a foreign language to me and it really does go over my head. My partner is an only child of a single mother and was raised by the women of the family. From what I understand, women tend to be more passive aggressive while men tend to be more straightforward or at least blunt.

In the beginning of our relationship, we had mini arguments that were strange to me. My partner was trying to read between the lines while I was just trying to understand how we ended up at this point. I really don't speak passive aggressive and my partner is just now trying to adjust to that. I say what I want to say and don't hide behind words because I want to be nice. Either I tell you the truth or I tell you a lie. There are no veiled compliments nor secret code. I am as upfront as I can.

Why is that such a difficult concept to grasp?

(found online)

Shinning armor or tin foil hat?

I have been separated from my husband for about three years (Trying to get divorced) and it's so interesting for four years of a long distance infatuation changes in a few short years. At one point, this man was everything I could think about- his smile, his laugh, his hugs, his love... - and now, all I can think is "Wow, what were you thinking?"

We did have a bad falling out but we are rebuilding our friendship, knowing that anything romantically would never work and it's an interesting dynamic. We have similar interests and tastes but are so different otherwise. Now, it's nice to have him as a friend. I no longer need a romantic anything from him. It's nice being able to have a relationship with him that isn't romantic love. I will always love him in some corner of my heart but that love of a lover and partner has changed into a love of a close friend.

I think that this is for the best.

( found online)

"HOLY SHITBALLS, YOU JUST SAVED THE DAY!!!"

People go out of their way to help. Look at the recent disasters (Boston and Texas) and how everyone was trying to help whether it was through giving blood, spreading awareness, and even overseas pictures of love and support. Humans as a race tend to be selfish and cruel creatures by nature but there are some people that have a glimmer of what mankind could be.

Take my friend, J (Name withheld for privacy). She used occupy the room my partner and I are now renting. She left us a bed that was in good shape and a few chairs for the room as well as helped clean the room up for moving in. J has come by the house and cooked, brought us a little food, given us rides to work when gas was low and even took me to my job interview after I had been unemployed for almost a year and brought me clothes that made me look professional. She did all of this without asking for anything in return: No gas money, No thank you, nothing.

This is just one example of a good, no great, friend as well as a great person. She might be a little crazy/weird sometimes but we love her for just being awesome. Have you been awesome to someone lately? Maybe you should, even if that is telling someone that you love them, appreciate them, or even just a smile or a wink. You could change their day.

(found online)

Soo... tired... fae... too strong... work so much...

OH SO TIRED! Isn't it funny how we try to do so much in a small yet large amount of time? On paper, it looks like we have all the time in the world while when the craziness of real life totally shreds that to pieces.

I am doing the Ren faire this year (I'm A GLITTERBOMB FAE BUTT!!!) while trying to juggle work, sharing the car with my partner, and organizing both our lives and our romantic endeavors. AHHHHHH! There is so much to do and so little time to do it, it seems.

Oh lovely lovely stress.

(found online)

I'm not submissive just because I have tits... NSFW

I am a part of the kinky community. To those that aren't completely aware of what that means, I enjoy BDSM (I'll probably go more in depth some other time. but otherwise, just watch this video for more info). I've always been open to it but I had never really leaped in to the lifestyle until about two years ago. There was and continues to be a lot of discovery in this lifestyle and I have learned a few things including:

• I am a sadist.
• I prefer being in a dominant position in the relationship or scene, depending on the situation.
• I can't stand being submissive.

Now, this last statement doesn't seem to be clear enough for some people. Due to misconceptions, wrong information, or just sexist assumptions, I am perceived as someone that just hasn't met the right man/woman/trans/[enter label here] that could dominate me into a meek shell of myself that would be happily lapping up their bullshit. Now, are there women that enjoy submitting? Of course! And such women should be celebrated! It is not wrong or less to be submissive. It is a wonderful place... for a submissive. A submissive loves to submit. I DO NOT ENJOY SUBMISSION. I enjoy dominating and being in control. I love to direct and lead the person that chooses to submit to me in the path that our relationship is going. There is a bond, a trust, between us. The usual questions I get from those who cannot seem to understand this are:

• Have you submitted before?
• Why don't you like it?
• Are you sure you were doing it right?

Yes, I have submitted before. The experience was humbling but it was not the position I wanted to be in. I didn't feel right. I wanted to be the one in that position of power. The feeling of helplessness is frightening to me and not the least bit sexy. I have tried it a few times with dom/mes in a few different styles and in a few different walks of life and the feelings were the same. I didn't like it. 

The one statement that infuriates me the most... and this comes solely from men:

• But women are supposed to be submissive.

No. No. No. No. No. NO.

NO!

I am not submissive because I happen to have breasts and a vagina! I am dominant because that is what I am. It has nothing to do with my gender. It has nothing to do with my sex. I AM DOMINANT BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT I AM.

(Found online)

NOTE TO SELF: Never look up BDSM panda in google...

FOR THE... Horde? Empire? Pandas?

I have been playing games for a while, only getting into MMOs recently. I began with World of Warcraft and got hooked. I played some of the MOP content and was happy. As of recent, I have a lvl 90 Troll Warrior as guild master of a lvl 25 guild called "We Be Trollin Mon".
I am proud of my guild and made wonderful friends with these people but I have grown restless as I do when I do things for too long.

(Screenshot of the Guild Standard, myself in the throne with two guildies by myself in BWL)

Of course, living in a house of gamers, there was no way to avoid at other games. For my birthday, my roommates bought me The Secret World (a one time buy MMO involving the Paranormal) which was awesome. Only problem was that the only computer I could use for it makes gaming literally painful (desk is too high and I am too short lol). A friend I met from work who also played WOW introduced me into a free to play MMO called The Forsaken World. Very interesting and in my opinion, fluffy friendly (auto run to my quest destination and no auto aggro? I'M MAKING A FUCKING SAMMICH!) but just didn't keep my attention like I hoped it would. Now, the entire house is playing Star Wars, The Old Republic. Beautiful graphics, good story, in an established world thanks to the movies and one of my favorite parts of a game, BEING ABLE TO PERSONALIZE A CHARACTER. SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! We all play for the Empire (AKA Sith/Dark Side) and now, I come to the thought of ... do I continue WOW? or Stay on SWTOR, being that it is free to play)?

(Found online)

Darth Panda 

Sharing... wait, never mind.

Have you ever wanted to spend time with someone? Not just be in the same room with them, like actually wanted to watch a movie or some youtube videos with them but they don't even notice? They aren't doing anything wrong, maybe engrossed in a game or writing an essay or on the phone with someone about something very important. But its just that pain in your heart of... Oh, I guess I shouldn't bother you... I'll wait till you aren't busy anymore... But they never get un-busy... they just move on to the next mission, next assignment, next contact... no talking or interaction for hours.

How do you deal with that? Do you get their attention? Interrupt their concentration? Take them away from what they are doing?

Is that selfish?

(found online)

On the internet... (tired post)

Change dog to panda, and that is about right. No awesome post tonight, work wiped me out

-Kimmee

(both found online)

BAM! Ummm, can I get your information?

So, I was driving home from work after picking up my partner from their work when a car darted in front of me and BAM! EXPLOSION! JAMES BOND! (Just kidding, there was no explosion). After pulling over and exchanging info, I sat and waited for the cops to come. Thoughts ran through my mind and one stuck enough to write it down.

Isn't it interesting how one simple decision can change your day? The decision of left, right, up down, this way or that can change your day completely... It could have been a day without interaction with this person, I would have never crossed passed with him, I could have just ended up at home, I could have gone a different way, I could have let my partner drive possibly miss him by several seconds (minutes even), I could have not made this a run on sentence - could have, would have, should have -

What could have happened?

(found online)

Time is Fickle

I had plans today at One. I had overslept and asked them to give me an hour. I rolled over for a ten minute nap before getting up and after a blink, I checked the time. An hour had passed. 

As I rush to get ready, I think to myself about how easily we loose track of time and waste it when we feel we have nothing to do. Yet, when we are doing something we don’t want to do or just feeling bad, time seems to drag on and almost stop.

Isn’t it interesting how time just goes by its own rules, not ours? It skips and races away when we are having the time of our lives and quickly makes memories that we harbor for years while it refuses to move when it seems the world around us is collapsing and we are dying on the inside.

-Kimmee

-Artist Unknown

I can haz sleep?

Sleep is an important part of life. We need it to recharge our batteries and heal our bodies when we get sick. Normally, most people lay down, relax then let their bodies drift them to sleep.

I cannot do that anymore. :( I live with an awesome couple, their 7 yr old son and my partner. I share my bed with said partner and everything should be all cuddles and sleeping in each others' arms blah blah blah [Insert girly movie inspired romantic fantasy here].

Either one of two things happen:

1. My partner goes to bed before I do or at the same time. They are asleep in five minutes while I lay there, wide awake no matter how many times I roll over, get comfy, snuggle with or away from them. To combat this, usually a dose of over the counter medication usually does the trick (not a fan of taking pills but when you work the next morning, you want to be rested) but even after meds, I can't sleep. Usually, I fall asleep either around five or six after going to bed at ten out of exhaustion or just stay up until I get back home.

or

2. I go to bed before my partner. I can usually fall asleep within the hour, curled up in cold covers and the beginnings of crazy dreams. It will be fine the first few hours of blissful sleep until they come to bed. I get woken up to groping and well... I respond. My problem is after the act is finished and my partner passes out, I'm wide awake.  I'll be up usually between One and Three if this happens and I'm up until Five or Six when I pass out of  exhaustion.

TL;DR- SLEEP! I WANT SLEEEEEEEEEP!

-Kimmee

SLEEPING PANDAS FOR YOU!!!!

OMG Pandas!

I have always believed that life is better when you love something. It could be art, literature, sports, penguins, sex - the list can go on and on. 

I have three big loves in life - Writing, Batman, and Pandas. None of them are higher than the other. More like … on equal footing. Now, give me Panda Batman writing a novel and I might just pee a little then faint.

What is the point of this blog? To hopefully spark conversations, increase the amount of thinking we do in life on different topics/issues, and maybe even make a smile break upon your lovely face…

All with a sprinkle of pandas.

-Kimmee